November 5, 2010

Prayers for My Daughter

A few years ago, when Chris and I were still dating, I remember my dad saying something to me along the lines of, "Well Chris is the first of your boyfriends your mother and I haven't prayed for you to break up with." What?!?!?! I mean I knew I had dated some real winners (read: losers) but I didn't think they had been that BAD! Ok, well, maybe in retrospect they were THAT BAD! Anyway, I remember telling one of my bosses at the time the story of my parents actually praying that I would break up with my boyfriends! Sheesh! He turned to me and said "Think of it this way, at least your parents are praying for you." Good point Dr. J. I had never thought of it that way. It was certainly something to think about: my parents pray for me. What a realization. Chalk it up to another one of those things you never stop to think about when you and your brother have the air of children who are loved, well fed, cared for and generally adored. We were children who were (and still are) lucky enough to never question if our parents love us simply because their actions mirrored their words. So. my parents actually praying for me was a novel concept indeed.

This leads me to the present day. Less than 20 weeks until I myself enter the fascinating and confusing world of parenthood. I'm not scared per se. If it's not a shot or an evil zombie come back to life or a dementor from Harry Potter (one night I actually made my little brother accompany me downstairs for a snack because I was so scared of the dementors from the movie), I'm generally not scared. However, I am anxious and sometimes really nervous. I am who am I and I have always striven towards perfection. I didn't want a B+. I wanted an A. Period. In my world there is no point in doing something if you aren't the best at it. I'm headstrong and competitive. So I'm already working on telling myself that there is no one way to be a perfect mother, but there are 10,000 ways to be a good one. So that leads to me to praying for my daughter.

I'm already learning to let go of who and what I want my daughter to be. I'd love for her to be a gymnast, dancer and a cheerleader. I had so much fun cheerleading. It was blood sweat and tears and teamwork. I want her to know the joy of accomplishing something as a team. I want her to be a bookworm. I want her to be fascinated by science and love to cook. I hope she's better at math than I am. Yet, with all these hopes and dreams I'm already reminding myself that I'll love her no matter what.

So here is my prayer for my little girl.

I hope you are happy and healthy. What more can you ask of God than to have a happy healthy child? I wish that you know your father and I always love more than you know. I hope you grow up to be a brave independent soul, but that you always remember home. I hope you don't move too far away from me. I hope you grow up to be good and true and strong enough to stand up when everyone else runs away. I hope you are compassionate and caring. I hope you find a good dog to be your best friend. I pray you are thankful. I want you to grow up slowly. But most of all I hope you KNOW that no matter what you grow up to be, you'll always be my baby; that you know I'm always here for you, that even when I don't like the words you can tell me anything, that there is nothing you can do that will make me love you less. I pray you'll be a good girl.

Love,

Momma