December 28, 2010

Hey already Moms, BACK OFF!

Lately I have had one pregnancy issue that has really really been bugging me. It's not swollen feet. It's not pregnancy rhinitis, and it's not morning sickness. It IS know it all Moms. I never realized it before but Moms are one of the most judgemental know it all groups out there. Despite, having NEVER been to medical school they can tell you exactly EVERYTHING about ANYTHING with regards to your pregnancy.


Here is a list of the stuff that I have been informed of by people who already have kids, and some, yes ladies and gentlemen, by women who DO NOT have children but have "close friends" who have been pregnant.

1) Because I don't necessarily want to breast feed until my child is old enough to chew a steak, I am a bad mother and will be stunting my child's growth and immune system development. Guess what -- the decision of whether or not I breast feed and how long I choose to do so will be made by two people: me and my husband. If you aren't A) the person growing this baby or B) the person who put this baby in there, SHUT UP. You don't get a say. Mmmmkay?

2) My pregnancy pictures. OMG How could I possibly NOT want to take pictures baring my belly?!?!?! It's so beautiful and natural. And I should let myself be dressed up in some sort of a sheet and gaze at my belly lovingly. Sorry folks, ain't gonna happen. Period. End of discussion. NOBODY, I repeat, NOBODY needs to see this belly without the cover of clothes unless you are (again) the person growing the baby or the person who put it in there. Whatever, you think I am weird because I don't want to take pictures of my bare belly, well GUESS WHAT honey, I think it's weird that you want to do that. There are plenty of adorable pictures to be had without getting naked. Or halfway there, which when you are as modest as me feels about the same as all the way. And yes, I realize that just the belly probably qualifies as less than a quarter naked. I still don't care. I'm not going to have this moment immortalized just so I can look back and realize exactly how uncomfortable I was. As I told my computer teacher when she was playing with my ponytail: go grow your own and you can do whatever you want with it!

3) 4D ultrasounds. I am not sure how I feel about this yet. Chris really wants to do it. I'm afraid I am giving up that first moment when I see my daughter.  But don't judge because I am doing it. I don't care if you think it is frivolous. It's not your money. And here is my thought: And excuse me for being snotty about this, but maybe, JUST maybe you are a wee bit jealous that you couldn't get a 4D ultrasound done. See if you can be rude and jump to conclusions so can I.

4) Every thing that I worry about is "nothing to worry about", and have a glass of water and relax, or have a something with sugar/caffeine and relax. Do you even realize when I am worried about something and you titter "Oh, he he, that's nothing!" that you discount MY feelings. I've never done this before. This is MY child and MY body we are talking about. I get the right to worry and not to have those feelings discounted by know-it-all busybodies. And PS, all except twice when I have called the doctors office with my fears I have been told to come in and check. So the next time you spend 8 years in medical school and become an OB, maybe I will listen to you. However, until that day, I'll listen to the doctor. Just my personal preference. And next time you say something about your child being sick, hurt or anything for that matter, I will be sure to let you know that "It's nothing".

5) Also please shut up about the c-section. Please. Shut. Up. If a c-section is what my doctor (who, again, went to you know, medical school) says I need to do to get my daughter safely here to mother earth, then you can bet your judgemental butt that I'll be having a c-section. I'll also be having an epidural and other pain meds oh, and if the doctor says, I'll have pitocin and be induced. Gasp. So shut up about natural child birth -- you go right ahead sister and more power to you. Me? I'll be the one embracing the benefits of medical science with arms wide open.

6) Please don't get me started on the "anti-nausea" cures people come up with. It is truly laughable. Look, I'm not a whimp about puking. My cheer leading coach used to tell me, "That's what the gutter is for. Keep going." I puked all the time before I got pregnant. But when you can't look at or smell food without throwing up, candied ginger and lemon drops are not going to help. There is a medical condition called hyperemesis gravidarum. Look it up. Then we will discuss your lemon drops. I know you are just trying to help, but believe me, I have tried it all. It's a little miracle drug called zofran. It lets me live a happy life.

Ok I think we have all had enough snarky sarcasm for one day. I just needed to  get that off my chest. I promise to be back to my sweet self when I post about Evie's 28 week appointment and 4D ultrasound.