November 22, 2010

The Business of Having a Baby

Oh my gosh -- it is expensive to have a child. This weekend Chris and I ventured to Target and Babies'R'Us. We registered at both stores and we bought Evie's crib and changing table/dresser combo. The one we originally wanted they had the crib but the changing table and dresser combo had been discontinued. After a quick Google search we quickly discovered that the combo was nowhere to be found for sale. We finally found a crib and changing table combo that we liked and then ran into more complications -- half of it has to be shipped from their SOS system (code, their freakin website) and the other half from their stock room. I'm not entirely sure the guy helping us wasn't either drunk or high on something. In any case -- our child now as a place to sleep (even though she has no mattress or bedding yet) and that makes me feel better -- like things are progressing correctly.

Even after our first big puchase we still have a long way to go. You would not be able to imagine the crap that kids these days need!!! I mean what the heck is an "exersaucer" anyway? It's apparently essential and medical science is amazed that BOTH my husband and I managed to grow up into healthy, functioning  adults without one. For the record -- here is an exersaucer:

It sort of rocks and bounces around -- we found one we liked at Target for a reasonable price, because make note, all you soon to be moms and dads out there: some of these things can cost up to $150. You also need a plethora of items for tummy time and stimulation and God only knows what else. How did we as a civilization make it this far with kids who grew up in covered wagons and were born on the side of a dirt road? Trust me I've the Laura Ingalls Wilder series -- these kids didn't have exersaucers OR Baby Einstein.

In other news Evie is still doing great! I've started to detect her sleeping and waking patterns. She sleeps a little later than I do in the mornings and I can actually feel her stretch before she really gets going around ten-o-clock. She naps around lunch time and then gets going again around 2. Then she takes another nap and wakes up after dinner. Then it is time for another nap and she's ready to rock-n-roll about the time I go to bed a night. I go to bed early so I am sure this nursing thing is gonna be real fun for me. Chris likes to stay up later so he might get the 11pm feedings from bottles!

This week Evie should be about 11 inches long and weigh over a pound (A FREAKIN POUND!!! How did my little poppy seed grow to be a pound?). She's learning to sense my movement more and more which means when I'm active she'll sleep and when I', still she will wake up. I hope she keeps her patterns though! This week her sense of hearing is getting more and more acute -- she will likely sleep through loud noises she hears a lot in the womb. This is a good thing as Peyton pretty much barks non-stop in the mornings and for about an hour at night. She' also get used to hearing Chris and I yell at the dogs to behave! She still looks red and wrinkled but is gaining white fat (different from the brown fat that will help her regulate her body temperature) right now! I'm hoping for a chubby little dumpling of a baby so put on that white fat baby girl! Her muscles, organs and bones are continuing to develop at a rapid rate (this is no surprise as her little kicks aren't so little anymore!).

Evie at 23 weeks:

November 17, 2010

The two most beautiful words...

My. Daughter.

Lately, I've taken to calling Evie "my daughter".  I still call her "the baby" and "Poppy" and when talking to Chris "our girl" and also "Evie Bug" (her daddy came up with that one). At some point, however, the phrase "my daughter" took over both my thoughts and my words. I typed it out today in an email to a friend and upon rereading the message it struck me that I have a daughter. No matter what happens at this point I have a daughter and I am a mother. You'll never convince me, no matter how hard you try, that the little girl living inside of me does not already have her own unique personality and being. You can't tell me that I don't already know her (in a way that, quite frankly, no one else ever will) and that she does not know me.

It's a small realization and maybe to some of you a "Duh, Sarah, what did you think you were having a lizard?" kind of realization but to me it's pretty huge. And cool. Not to mention scary!!!

This weekend my mother and I will go shopping for my daughter. :) See I can't stop saying (writing) it!

November 11, 2010

Wake Up Call!

On Tuesday night (really early early Wednesday morning) I received my first wake up call from Evie (multiple trips to the bathroom notwithstanding, of course). I was laying on my back and she went nuts kicking me until I literally woke up and made some strange night of the living dead type noises and rolled over. She almost instantly stopped. This first time it was pretty cool -- I imagine it will grow more annoying.

Annoying or not, the point is -- I'm already starting to learn her personality. I promise you this will be a willful, stubborn and independent child. She's already pretty sure of what she wants; and she's not afraid to kick me to get it either. She wants me to stop leaning over (I guess I'm squishing her?) and pow pow pow - a rapid succession of punches and kicks. K -- got it. I'll sit up straight from now on. Sheesh. She really doesn't appreciate all the movement that comes with housework, especially making the bed. She just wants to float I guess (can't say I blame her -- at this point some time to just float sounds pretty darn good).

Evie also has a strange effect on my dogs. Reily and Peyton seem somewhat ambivalent to her, but Rocky and Maggie have reacted in very sweet and sometimes annoying ways, especially Rocky. Maggie used to sleep up near my head, but now so prefers to sleep next to my belly with her ear tucked up to it. Oddly enough, Evie likes it when I sleep facing Maggie. I wonder if Evie can hear Maggie. Rocky on the other hand follows me around like I might drop dead at any minute and he's gonna morph into Lassie and save the day. If I take a bath and don't take him in the bathroom with me, he sits outside the door. If I'm at the kitchen table he's at my feet. If I'm on the couch he's laying with his head on my belly (I'm pretty sure he's listening to the baby). Half the time he sleeps on the floor beside me. He trails after me down the hall. It's nuts. My child is the dog whisperer! I can't wait for the day she kicks while Rocky's head is laying on my belly and he feels it!

Yesterday, due to some slight bleeding and what they think might have been braxton-hicks contractions (Daddy, calm down, we're cool ) I had to have an unscheduled ultrasound. I knew (of course) that everything was fine with my little Poppy. She'd been jumping around like a jumping bean all hopped up on espresso all morning, but anytime you want to give me a look at my baby -- I'm ALL OVER IT. Plus they had to check the placenta (google placenta previa -- I've got a partial) and make sure it was still good (which it was, of course). It appeared that Evie was trying to take a nap -- well of course the tech would have none of that -- she poked and prodded until she got her moving again. At a few points, while the tech was prodding her to move around, you could see my child rear back and KICK me with all she had in her little three inch long legs. See, she's willful. I just knew she was thinking "leave me the hell alone. I'm tired. I've been kicking and swishing around in here all morning and I want a nap!".  It was crazy to both see and feel it happen. I just started laughing. It was incredible. I also got to see her suck her little thumb, practice breathing and cover her eyes with her hand when the tech started messing with her. Pretty fun, and I just thought -- wow, did anyone ever tell me you could love this much? Where does it come from? I've never met her, held her, smelled her, heard her cry or even seen her eyes and already it's huge and all encompassing.

And she's mine. All mine. She belongs solely to me for 132 more days. Yes, I know she has a father and grandparents and myriad of other relatives. But for now she's all mine. And I love that. For now she relies on me for everything and that is special. I don't know how Freud came up with an idea like "penis envy" when women get to carry their babies. I wouldn't trade this for anything -- much less a penis.

Evie wakes me up to something new almost every day. She amazes me with her new abilities be it to kick me awake in the middle of the night, induce Rocky to follow me around like I'm a snake charmer or cause unexpected bursts of joy and love. Today I just really can't wait to meet my daughter.

November 5, 2010

Prayers for My Daughter

A few years ago, when Chris and I were still dating, I remember my dad saying something to me along the lines of, "Well Chris is the first of your boyfriends your mother and I haven't prayed for you to break up with." What?!?!?! I mean I knew I had dated some real winners (read: losers) but I didn't think they had been that BAD! Ok, well, maybe in retrospect they were THAT BAD! Anyway, I remember telling one of my bosses at the time the story of my parents actually praying that I would break up with my boyfriends! Sheesh! He turned to me and said "Think of it this way, at least your parents are praying for you." Good point Dr. J. I had never thought of it that way. It was certainly something to think about: my parents pray for me. What a realization. Chalk it up to another one of those things you never stop to think about when you and your brother have the air of children who are loved, well fed, cared for and generally adored. We were children who were (and still are) lucky enough to never question if our parents love us simply because their actions mirrored their words. So. my parents actually praying for me was a novel concept indeed.

This leads me to the present day. Less than 20 weeks until I myself enter the fascinating and confusing world of parenthood. I'm not scared per se. If it's not a shot or an evil zombie come back to life or a dementor from Harry Potter (one night I actually made my little brother accompany me downstairs for a snack because I was so scared of the dementors from the movie), I'm generally not scared. However, I am anxious and sometimes really nervous. I am who am I and I have always striven towards perfection. I didn't want a B+. I wanted an A. Period. In my world there is no point in doing something if you aren't the best at it. I'm headstrong and competitive. So I'm already working on telling myself that there is no one way to be a perfect mother, but there are 10,000 ways to be a good one. So that leads to me to praying for my daughter.

I'm already learning to let go of who and what I want my daughter to be. I'd love for her to be a gymnast, dancer and a cheerleader. I had so much fun cheerleading. It was blood sweat and tears and teamwork. I want her to know the joy of accomplishing something as a team. I want her to be a bookworm. I want her to be fascinated by science and love to cook. I hope she's better at math than I am. Yet, with all these hopes and dreams I'm already reminding myself that I'll love her no matter what.

So here is my prayer for my little girl.

I hope you are happy and healthy. What more can you ask of God than to have a happy healthy child? I wish that you know your father and I always love more than you know. I hope you grow up to be a brave independent soul, but that you always remember home. I hope you don't move too far away from me. I hope you grow up to be good and true and strong enough to stand up when everyone else runs away. I hope you are compassionate and caring. I hope you find a good dog to be your best friend. I pray you are thankful. I want you to grow up slowly. But most of all I hope you KNOW that no matter what you grow up to be, you'll always be my baby; that you know I'm always here for you, that even when I don't like the words you can tell me anything, that there is nothing you can do that will make me love you less. I pray you'll be a good girl.



November 2, 2010

She's Gonna be a Rockette!!!

I've learned a few things about my daughter recently.

1) She really likes musicals. We went and saw Wicked with some friends of ours about a week ago. Evie danced the whole entire time! I think she could hear the really loud music! She takes after me in this respect! I love musicals and always have!

2) She's figured out how to kick, and kick hard! There have been a few kicks so hard that they have made me go "ooof!". Chris was even able to feel her kicking the other night, which was exciting! She'll go through periods where she just kicks and kicks and kicks! It's pretty cool but sometimes I'm like, "Cool it kid!!!"