March 15, 2011

This is the Stuff

Lately it feels like there has been a barrage of simply not fun and downright crappy stuff that Chris and I have had to deal with. From horrible stomach viruses combined with clogged pumbing to the loss of a friend, the unexpected and violent death of a co-worker, finding out our roof is a total loss, leaks in our ceiling and a few different sick dogs, this past month has been very challenging. There have been a few times I have questioned God as to why a 9 month pregnant woman needs to be dealing with all this STUFF. Shouldn't I be relaxing, eating bon bons and keeping my feet up while I finish growing a baby? I mean shouldn't I?

Alas, it isn't so. I have too many animals, too much laundry, too much house and a husband to keep up with, so we move on and deal with all this stuff. I mop up the muddy paw prints (even though I know they'll be back), do the laundry (even though the clothes I am wearing are MORE laundry), scrub the mirrors (even though I know they will get toothpaste on them again) and thank the Lord every day for Chris (even though he drives me wonky sometimes). It honestly had me really scared recently. How is one person supposed to do all this stuff and deal with a newborn baby?

So in the midst of my frustration and anxiety over 4,125,896,785 things (yes, I counted them) God sent me a message. I listen to the Christian station fairly regularly and one afternoon about a week ago, after a day when all I could do was question, WHEN and WHY, I heard a new song. It's literally called "This is the Stuff". It's by Francesca Batistelli and this is the chorus:

,This is the stuff
That drives me crazy
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff
That gets under my skin
But I've gotta trust
You know exactly what Your doing
Might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

I needed to hear that. I really did. I'm not saying I'm not still frustrated or impatient. I'm not saying it makes any of it easier. I am saying that when I freak out (which is A LOT these days) that after a minute or two I take a deep breath in and remember just how big I am blessed and that although it might not be any clearer than muddy water God has me learning SOMETHING from this.