September 20, 2011

Heavy Hearted

I knew.

I knew before I saw the missed call from my father and the text message, "Call me as soon as you can."

I knew.

My cousin posted the 23rd Psalm on Facebook. I saw it this morning and I knew.

The LORD is my Shepherd. I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.
He leadeth me beside still waters.
He restoreth my soul and leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His names sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil
For thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

I knew then. My Aunt Diana had passed away. She had gone to be with the Lord, at peace and no longer in pain.

I cried. I cried each time as a co-worker came in at a different time and I had to say the words, "My aunt passed away last night."

Hard words to say. It made it real. Concrete.

Finally I gave up, took my boss's advice and came home.

I did what any sane and normal person would do. I cleaned. I scrubbed my house from top to bottom. I did laundry. I made a big pot of homemade beef stew and a loaf of bread.

I did what people do in times of grief and loss; I proved that life goes on. Food. Care. Normal.

Then I went and picked my baby up from day care. I fed her. I rocked her. I watched her beautiful smile. 

We watched the last episode of GLEE from last season and I sang to her, "Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

As I sang I cried and murmured the same words my father spoke to me only hours earlier as I cried on the phone, "She loved you so much."

This earth lost an amazing woman today.

Heaven gained a beautiful angel. 

I'll show Evie pictures of her Great Aunt Diana, the daughter of her namesake, and I'll tell her still, "she loved you so much."

Be at peace Aunt Diana. Hug my grandpa Dickens for me. Tell him I love him. Tell Grandma Dickens I can't wait to meet her. Tell them both about Evie. Tell them about the grandchild of their child. Tell them how amazing she is.

Watch over us all.

I love you.