Because it's Thursday and my kid has double ear infections (again) with some gnarly diaper rash and my brain is tired and i can't seem to put anything into one interesting, well written blog post and pretty soon I am going to lose my mind, this is what you get. Enjoy a trip to the murky bottoms of my brain.
1) The phrases "boys will be boys" and "he's all boy" do not excuse your heathen spawn's terrible behavior. If you had a girl and she acted that way, what would your excuse be?
2) Put your grocery carts back in the corrals people. How lazy can you be that you won't walk the extra thirty steps there and back?
3) I judge people who buy nothing but total crap at the grocery. I checked out behind a woman a few weeks ago and whose cart contained nothing but packages of frozen burritos, frozen chicken pot pies, boxed mac-n-cheese, chicken nuggets, fish sticks, frozen treats, cheese product, bottles of nesquick, juicy juice, sodas (diet and full of sugar) cookies, crackers and chips. I am NOT kidding you. There was not a bit of fresh produce in that women's cart. No lean proteins. No low fat dairy. No whole wheat anything. Oh wait, there were some frozen french fries. Do those count as vegetables? ::rollseyes:: I really try not to judge. I do. But I CANNOT help myself at the grocery store. I want to pull these women aside and ask, "do you think this is cooking for your family? Because it's not. Please let me show you a better way!!!"
4) I love the smell of the South in the spring time. I could get high on honeysuckle.
5) We saw The Hunger Games movie last Friday and I did not like it. It was ok, but I wanted to LOVE it. Let down. And I'm not a book to movie snob. I loved all the HP movies except the fifth one and the end of the sixth.
6) I hate political bashing and I will be so glad when this election is over. The other day someone posted something on Facebook about being "embarrassed to be friends with so many Republicans on Facebook." I wanted to post a comment that I was embarrassed to be friends with such an asshat on Facebook. Who writes that kind of crap? The sad thing is that we've got a while until it is over.
7) I've gotten pretty serious about this diet of mine and when I get really hungry I just pretend I'm in The Hunger Games.
8) I didn't take Evie to see the Easter Bunny. I didn't have time and even if I did I don't think I would have. The one at daycare freaked her the eff out. Not interested in freaking her out and stressing me out.
9) The next person who acts confused or concerned when I tell them Evie isn't walking yet is gonna get popped in the face. A random lady in the store told me the other day that she'd walk soon enough and then she would slim down. WTH lady? What makes you think it is ok to say something like that?
10) My poor kid is never going to talk because when she points to things and says "Da" (Look! What is that?) I give her overly complex answers. She points to a tree. Instead of me saying "Yes! Evie! Green tree!" I say, "Yes Evie, that's a tree. Do you see that tree? There is a molecule in its leaves called chlorophyll. Chlorophyll makes the leaves green and helps the tree make its food in a process called photosynthesis. Can you say photosynthesis?" And oh holy hell, I just typed that and realized I have turned into my father.
If you stuck with me this long, I sincerely thank you. I promise I will come up with something better for you soon.
Oh, and PS, my kid is officially walking now (I wrote this on Wednesday and she started really walking Wednesday night). So that lady can go blow in a hole. If I can figure out how to get a video to youtube, I will post it here.