June 28, 2012

Toddler Momma Truths

When you are pregnant you get a lot of advice on the early days of motherhood. You'll hear about sleeping when the baby sleeps, the best paci's to use, wether or not to use crib bumpers, the best way to hold a colicky newborn, the best way to feed your baby, the best way to hold your baby, how to make them laugh and develop their early senses.

Then you are a toddler mom, and you realize that no one has really prepared you for the total drama queen bi-polar diva your child has become. So since I am all about the helping other mommas out thing, here are some things you need to know about being a toddler mom.

We Are Toddler Mamas and We Hold These Truths to be Self Evident:

1) We may rip open a bag of m-n-ms at any given moment in any given store to ward off a melt down, without fear of judgement.

2) Go ahead and get a set of tarot cards and set up a lesson with Miss Cleo, because you are expected to be a psychic.

3) We own stock in Cheerios. And wine.

4) We know that the parking spot next to the buggy return is more valuable than the parking spot next to the door.

5) We have learned, and you will too, that chocolate pudding and spaghetti sauce are basically the same thing as body paint.

6) If your toddler has ever, in his or her entire life held an item, it belongs soley to them and should be immediately given to him or her upon demand.

7) At any given moment you must be prepared to become a human jungle gym.

8) We understand that what made our children laugh and giggle with glee twenty seconds ago might seriously piss them off twenty seconds from now.

9) Between answering the same questions about walking, potty training, paci usage, breast feeding, bottle feeding and talking from every stranger in the world, being a toddler momma sometimes feels like sorority rush.

10) You'll consider driving to the nearest PetSmart and buying a dog harness and retractable leash for outings, because the fluffy little bear leashes just don't look like they can contain your precious bundle of joy.

{Do you have any other tuths about being a momma, toddler or otherwise?}



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