September 12, 2012

To My Scar

This post is born out of reading countless posts on just how many "unneccessary" and "pointless" c-sections are performed in this country. It is to those people (who aren't doctors) who have determined that my c-section was uneccessary, who say that I didn't really give birth "the way God intended me to". It is a response to those who question again and again my (yes already made) decision to not push for a VBAC should we have another child, to those who would ask do I not want to experience the magic of child birth? They are infuriating to me all these little digs, these comments, these condescending questions, because I had all of those things and more.

So to My Scar,

Although no stretch marks mar the skin of my abdomen as a result of the nine and a half months I spent pregnant with my daughter, there you sit, four inches below my belly button a reminder forever that I bore a child, that I am a mother.

Sometimes you still hurt when I sneeze or cough, or when the nerves that were severed still misfire. You are mainly white now and barely noticeable, but still there, a permanent part of me as is my daughter. You are a constant souvenir from the night of my child's birth, helping me to remember that moment when I felt the doctors lift my child from my womb and felt the world slide and shift as the one world that she and I shared became two. That moment would never have been made without you.

I want you to know, scar, that when some criticize your presence on my skin and say that I've never given birth to a child merely because you exist I defend you and will defend you to the end. You are legitimate and so was my daughter's birth.

I hope you know that although originally I hoped I wouldn't have you, was scared of you and later even a bit resentful of you, I think you are beautiful. How could you be anything less when you gave me this wonderful amazing child.

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