September 18, 2012

What Do I Stand For?

It's a question I ask myself on a daily basis, especially on the parenting front. It seems like so many of my friends have it all set in stone; they know what they are going to do. They have all the nevers and the alwayses figured out when it comes to their precious little bundles of joy.
I've never been that way.

I didn't read one single parenting book while I was pregnant. NOT ONE. The pages of my What to Expect When You're Expecting sit untouched. Same goes for for What to Expect: The First Year. Frankly that kind of crap scared me and I always kind of hoped I wouldn't have a child that followed the book. I mean I wanted healthy and normal but I always wanted a little quirky, a little fun and a little different little girl.

So now I stand as a mom, who is just figuring it out, day by day and it makes me wonder what I stand for as a mom. Where do I fit in?

I almost joined an online community of crunchy earth momma types. But I didn't because I felt like I wouldn't fit in there. Despite the cloth diapering and the efforts that we make to support eco-friendly or "green" living we used Babywise, so that kicks me straight out of that club.

Similarly when I joined the Babywise Google group I didn't find my niche there. I mean we didn't let Evie cry for 45 minutes. We used a pacifier and I rocked Evie to sleep until she wouldn't let me anymore (and I still would be rocking her if she let me). While we aren't against it we aren't all about spanking in our household either. So I was pretty sure I wouldn't fit in there, either and I never became an active member.

It's not that I want to be defined as a mother by one certain philosophy, it's that sometimes it gets tiresome being, or at least feeling, out there in the middle just winging it. Sometimes when I'm watching my daughter pitch a fit over crayons and I feel like I'm just barely treading water I wish I had a defined parenting philosophy to reference or a friend to call and ask what do I do now?

Maybe that's the way it will always be and maybe that's ok. Maybe Evie, her father and I will always wing it.

Maybe we are writing our own book.
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