October 7, 2012

Inch By Inch

Today my in-laws, Evie and I went to visit my memaw-in-law at the nursing home. Evie was cranky on the way there, and while she mostly behaved after that, once we got home all hell broke loose. She wouldn't finish her nap, and pitched a fit when I changed her diaper.She tested every single boundary she has. She wanted to play in the dogs' water bowl. She wanted to climb in the dishwasher. She wanted to stand in her chair. She tried to throw most of her dinner to the dogs. She wanted to hit the TV while chewing on the computer cord. She slapped me in the face when I told her it was time for bath. She wanted to stand up in the bath tub. She was tired and cranky, and lets face it so was I. 

I barely slept last night because my husband was on a flight to Amsterdam where he shall remain until next Saturday when his plane touches down in Memphis at 6:40 pm (not that I'm counting down the days, hours, minutes and seconds or anything). Not to mention Evie always has about a day of adjustment time when Chris is gone. She misses him and tends to wake up a lot crying, which means I'm up with her. So it's been a tough day and one in which I've shed more than a few frustrated tears. 

When I was in high school I had a dream. I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a wife. I wanted to be a mother. I wanted those things to be my career. I wanted to work also, yes. But those things would make my life. The man who played the role of my husband was vague; although I knew he would have to be sweet, kind, funny, smart and ambitious. The mother part was more specific. I dreamed of having a little girl named Evelyn Grace. I would call her Evie. She would have blue eyes and blond curls just like her momma. She would be my best friend and I would be hers just like my momma and me. We'd share shoes when she grew up and I would love her more than anything else in this world. 

I try to remember that on days like today, when sometimes I feels like I just need to not be needed by anyone, anydog or anycat else, days when I feel like no one is getting even close to the best of me. I try to remember that I dreamed of this child, and I am so blessed and so grateful. Dreams don't often come true. 

But mine did, and I am so lucky to be this girl's momma. She's getting so big. She's running now, full of confidence and curiosity. Her blue eyes squint in concentration when she colors. She's full of emotions (just like her momma) and they change as quick as the wind. She says please and thank you with no prompting. Just the other day I noticed that I could no longer open or shut the refrigerator door while she stood in front of it. She's too tall. She'd grown nearly an inch since her last check up. I noticed today that her hair is nearly an inch longer than it was this summer, and her beautiful blond ringlets spiral down more than once now.

She's growing up, my dream come true and even on the temper tantrum, frustrated tear filled days I get to be here to watch it all, inch by beautiful inch. 

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