I can remember the first time I was self conscious about my body. I was probably eight or nine at the local swimming pool, waiting to go off the diving board when I noticed that the other girls my age all had flatter stomachs than I did. I sucked mine in. At eight years old.
I can remember the first time I was aware that the number on the scale meant something; I was twelve in sixth grade. I don't remember what the topic of conversation was but I remember comparing weights and that a few of us (God this is horrifying to admit) told another girl that maybe she should consider weight watchers.*
In high school I started competitive cheerleading. An older girl on the squad showed a few of the younger girls how to "purge" without destroying the enamel on your teeth. It would help us drop a few pounds before a competition or if our stunt bases thought we were gaining. I won't share the details of that because nobody needs a tutorial on how to purge.
In college I didn't gain the freshman fifteen. I walked everywhere around campus and despite some drinking I was mostly sensible. My junior year I dropped to a double zero and felt "skinny enough" for the first time in my life. I was certainly not in great physical condition, but I felt like I looked good.
After I graduated college I gained about 10lbs that stuck around until Chris proposed. I wanted to look skinny and beautiful in my wedding dress. I joined a gym and hired a personal trainer. I spent the next eleven months constantly in the gym, with and without my trainer by my side. At the end of the year I was not the skinniest I had ever been, but I was the most in shape. I had muscles and definition. I loved the way I felt coming out of the gym, strong empowered and high on adrenaline.
Then I got pregnant, and although I only gained seven pounds the amount of weight I gained after having the baby was shocking. Having PPD/A and a constantly screaming newborn zapped me of all energy and a desire to eat anything healthy. I wanted to sit on my couch and eat comforting carbs. That's where I gained weight y'all -- and it's weight that I have not been able to shed, because really I haven't been trying all that hard. I would stick with Weight Watchers for a few weeks and lose five or six pounds then gain it all back. For the first time in my life I am overweight, and it bothers me a lot.
I talk a lot about healthy body image and how I want my daughter to grow up knowing that her worth comes from within and not how she looks. I never want her to see me beat myself up over a number on a scale or a size in a pair of pants. But eating whatever I want and not being active enough (at all really) is not a good example either. I don't want her to a mother who is a slave to a scale, but I don't want her to see a mother who doesn't care either.
Chris and I joined a gym recently and I've been scared of going in without my trainer (unfortunately paying $400/month and driving 50 minutes round trip is not in the "responsible we want to buy a new house plan" otherwise I would run back to him!) and trying to figure out how to get myself back in shape. Cardio alone does not a work out plan make.
That's why I was so excited (I mean didn't even hesitate) when I was contacted by Revolt Fitness about joining in a twelve week Revolt against "the before picture".
Today I start my own Revolt against the body I have now. It's a good body, it has grown and birthed a child. I'm so proud of what it has done, but it's time that the outside showed it a little more, that I care for it a little more.
I am so excited to partnering with Nichole Hunstman and Revolt Fitness and some amazing other bloggers for the next twelve weeks as we rise against and Revolt against the muffin tops, the before pictures and the belief that moms are frumpy and lumpy.
Starting on Thursday I'll be sharing my weekly stats, inches lost, pounds lost and if I get the guts a before picture!
The plan is super simple. Grocery shop, prep your meals for the entire week (in only ONE HOUR), do the workouts and eat the meals. The meals are healthy, not prepackaged and honestly surprisingly tasty.
I can't wait to get started on my first workout tonight and to take you all on this journey with me!
Want to start a revolt of your own? Sign up at Revolt Fitness!
* Looking back I can't believe what little butt heads we were in that moment. I promise I was not a mean girl in school, but I suppose all twelve year old girls have their mean girl moments.
Thanks to Revolt Fitness for sponsoring this post, providing meal plans and training services at no charge to me. My opinions are honest and my own.