May 29, 2013

Why I Don't Regret Having Post-Partum Depression

If hating motherhood is the new black then I'm wearing a purple unicorn shirt with pink rhinestone pants and lime green glitter high tops.
 
Perhaps I should duck when I say this, but I'm really enjoying the two year old phase. I'm always afraid to say things like that though. Like somehow not being miserable in motherhood is going to get me booted out of the club or something, like people are going to think either A) what a smug bitch or B) she's got it comin' one day.
 
This pink glitter pant wearing bliss has not come easily to me. It was hard fought and dearly won.

If you want to know a secret, I wasn't always sure I loved my child. I wasn't always sure that I even wanted my child. I hated motherhood. I don't say that as hyperbole, either. I loathed motherhood. That's a struggle I may always always live with. The tiny cross body bag of emotional baggage I may never be able to let go: that for at least the first three months of my daughter's life I didn't want to be in hers.

I don't regret it though. I'll never regret it, and although I will do everything within my power to prevent it a second time I wouldn't change a thing.

We've all heard it said that you can never really appreciate what you have until you've had to live without it. I'm not saying that I appreciate my kid anymore than you or you or you or even, you do. I'm saying that I appreciate my child and motherhood more than I ever could have without it, because I know what it feels like to not feel and to want to feel desperately. I know what it is to be dying of thirst, staring at the well surrounded by the normal, sane mothers and to want nothing more than a drink of cool water.  In this crazy time of toddler hood when I never know what the next day, or hell even minute, will bring I love motherhood. Even when I am tired, frustrated and wading through temper tantrums I am always amazed by the depth of love I feel. I love motherhood because I didn't always, and each time I realize how very much I love being a mother is like a discovery to me. I drink deeply from the well because I was so thirsty for so long.

In the frustrated flustered rush of the morning my daughter reaches up for my hand to step out the door, looks up at me and says the most earnest funny thing. In that moment love explodes like liquid sunshine bursting bright shiny gold through my heart. A revelation. A promise. A gift. A perfect hope.

She is mine, and I am hers; and beneath the blouse I wear to work you can see the tip of glittery unicorn horn sticking out.
 
 
 
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May 23, 2013

According to Evie

Me: Alright kiddo let's go! It's time to hit the road, Jack!
 
Evie (with the most ernest look on her face): No Jack, Momma. I Evie.
 
Sometimes I swear my heart will burst from love for this child.
 
 
 
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May 21, 2013

Earth Day at the Zoo!

If you've been reading this little blog of mine for any amount of time you know how much we love The Memphis Zoo! This is our second year as members so you'd think we've seen it all, but the great thing about our zoo is that there is always something different going on. Back in April we went with Nana and Papa (my momma and daddy) and had a great day celebrating Earth Day and the 20th anniversary of Cat Country

{KING of the Jungle!}


{We were joking that the conversation between the lioness and lion went something like this: 
Lion: Hey get me my beer!
Lioness: Oh sure leave me here trying to figure out how to open this keg while you sit there and lick your balls. 
On second thought maybe you had to be there!}

{snoozy cheetahs}


{OH HAI!}


{I cannot remember what this cat is called, but he is gorgeous! The reason it's blurry is because Cat Country is all open air and I'm focusing past some pretty heavy cable wires! Still a beautiful animal though!}


{A lot of the animals were sleepy!}


{Checking out the gorillas in Primate Pavilion!}


{Ok true story. A gorilla tried to attack my husband that day. I think this is a male silver back gorilla, and you are never supposed to look them in the eye. Well, Chris did. Mr. Gorilla got a little pissed, pulled up a huge hunk of grass, weeds and roots and hurled them across the moat at Chris. It was hilarious. Then Mr. Gorilla gave Chris a look like, "Come at me bro. Come. At. Me."}


{I love the look on this Orangutan's face! They are always so chill!!}


 {Our favorite giraffe Marilyn & her new baby Maliki! This was the first time I got to see Maliki!}


{Pretty Flowers on the Teton Trek!}


 {There was a Grizz game that night and Chris insisted that Evie go in her jersey. It was cold in the am so we put a long sleeved shirt on underneath it. Then it got hot so we took it off. So yes, my daughter is wearing a jersey with nothing underneath & drinking a cherry icee (always a treat at the zoo). Redneck Baby Look: COMPLETE!} 


{African Elephants}


{Gorgeous hydrangea in the China exhibit}


{Komodo Dragon trying to eat my face. Evie thought they were dinosaurs and kept roaring at them!}


{Grizz Pride Baby! Believe Memphis!}




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May 17, 2013

This Weekend!

This weekend Chris and I are heading up I-40 to Little Rock, AR for the Jason Aldean concert! We decided to make kind of a weekend out of it and are driving up tonight and spending tomorrow poking around Little Rock. 

I am so freakin' excited, y'all. I need this. We need this: a weekend to just be us again, not harried, hurried and oftentimes frustrated mom and dad. So we dropped the dogs off at the kennel today and tonight we'll drop Evie off with the grandparents. 

I can't wait! Just think, two whole days of eating my meals while they're still hot and not worrying about if the sippy cup is still full or cutting up someone else's food before even glancing at my own. I've been promised breakfast in bed from room service (yes!) after I sleep in until I'm ready to get up. I get to drink my coffee without a toddler demanding "Watch Thomas Train, Momma!", dogs barking or a cat crawling all over me. There's an IMAX movie theatre and we may just go crazy and see a matinee of Iron Man 3 and pig out on popcorn and candy! I can't remember the last time we went and saw a movie. It was probably in November? I want a steak dinner at a restaurant that doesn't have a kid's menu;  I'd like a martini (maybe two) to go with it. Then I want to go to an awesome concert to see one of our favorite artists! Hopefully at the end of it all we'll get to catch up with some close friends who we don't see nearly enough. 

So this weekend we're kissing the terrible twos good bye and heading out town to remember how life was when we were just two crazy kids in love! 



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