February 17, 2014

Anatomy Scan & Team Green

Today is the day y'all. Our "big" ultrasound is this afternoon and I am a giant ball of nerves and excitement. I can't wait to see our teeny tiny little bit! I've been feeling movement for the past few weeks almost every day, but I am still worried that I'll get in there and something will be wrong. I fear the tech saying, "I'm sorry Sarah, but all that movement was just gas!" or there will be something wrong with the baby or me. Chalk it up to anxiety or all the change in my life right now, but either way I am freaking out a little bit.
I'm also finding that it's harder to stick the the team green resolve. In case you don't know me, I freely admit that I am a control freak. I like things "my way, no highway option". Not being in charge is a state of being I am not comfortable with. Lately, however, I find myself letting go of the reins a lot. I'm not foolish enough to think that I can control my child's sex or that finding out will somehow restore order to my life, but it would give me something to focus on other than freaking out over selling our house and building a new one. I have to keep reminding myself that micromanaging a nursery complete with perfectly monogrammed burp cloths is not going to make this baby any more loved. I still find that there are moments when I am freaking out like a first time mom.
Right now I am focusing on the excitement I will feel in July. I'm reminding myself of the wonderful surprise of hearing "It's a ???" and how that surprise will help me focus on something other than the c-section (don't I sound like the selfish one).
So, I guess we are sticking with team green.
Please send all of your healthy perfectly normal baby vibes and prayers our way. If you've gone team green before send me some encouragement. I need them.
Now, check out that bump! Also, I suck at the bathroom mirror selfie!
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